Finally, the jury is out. Osama Bin Laden is dead once and for all. Or is he? While there may be controversies surrounding the manner of his death and reports indicating that he was planning another attack on the US come this 9/11, an insider from CIA- which carried out the covert operation to hunt Bin Laden- has quite different ideas. In an exclusive interview, he revealed it all.
When quipped whether Bin Laden was indeed planning other attacks on USA or other countries, the source divulged, “Ah, not at all. Osama during the last few years had become fed up with the raids, the explosions, the attacks, everything. For hours, he would relax in the swimming pool with his wives, girlfriends, while his kids and grandsons would play softball in the lawn. Pakistan president Asif Ali Zardari would often join in to share lemonades and subtle jokes alongside General Parvez Musharraf.”
To verify his claims, he provided us with a recording of the shootout at Osama’s hideout in Pakistan. Here are the excerpts:
US Soldier 1: “Put your hands where I can see them.”
Osama: “Dude! Can’t you see I’m busy down here in the swimming pool. But, if you insist, feel free to join in alongside the ladies.”
US Soldier 1: “If you do not raise your arms, I will personally shoot you in the head.”
Osama: “Okay, okay. Easy man! I will come out. Why are you guys always so serious? I have a bar down in the mansion, let’s hang out, have a couple of drinks and work this thing out.”
US Soldier 1: “You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will-“
Osama: “- be used against you in the court of law. Blah, blah, blah. Wow, you people watch way too many movies. Give me a break!”
US Soldier 2: “Sir, please allow me to shoot this piece of crap.”
US Soldier 3: “His offer is worth a try. There is no harm in having a few drinks and listening what he has to say.”
Osama: “See, that’s what I’m talking about. Way to go, man. By the way, you look kind-of-cute. You and me, what say?”
US Soldier 1: “You are disgusting. Somebody, shoot this guy.”
Osama: “What? That’s no reason to shoot me. Come on, you are being unreasonable here. Get me President Obama on your cell phone”
Obama: “Yes we can, yes we can!”
Osama: “Hey dude, What’s up? Say hello to Michele for me, will you!”
Obama: “Yes we can, yes we can!”
Osama: “This is irritating. How do Americans put up with you?”
Obama: “Yes we can, yes we can!”
At this point, out of sheer frustration Bin Laden grabs a gun from nearby soldier, puts it on his own forehead and says, “Tell them I died a happy man” and pulls the trigger.
In related news, Pakistan president Asif Ali Zardari has come out to bash the released footage, claiming doctoring of the video, “Osama Bin Laden is not dead. Just the other day, I received a missed call from his number. He also texted me later, “How about dinner tonight?” And of course, the biggest proof that he is still alive is his Facebook status update, “Alive and still kicking some American ass, guys! YO!” Don’t worry I will have my picture clicked alongside him today and show it to you people tomorrow. IN YOUR FACE, HUH!”
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