Singh in happier times
And amidst announcements of the hike in petrol prices by 5 Rs, NTMN brings to you credible information about the events at Prime Minister Manmohan Singh’s press conference yesterday. Our source at the conference revealed that an unknown man, who was visibly agitated, broke through the security barrier of the conference, joined Mr. Singh on the stage, and started ridiculing him face-to-face about price rise.
“What exactly do you intend to gain by increasing the price of petrol? Do you want to wage the non-existing war against Pakistan to expose India’s fifty most wanted men hiding there? Or, do you propose to strengthen the borders and the security of the nation? Or, simply the development of the entire country, the upliftment of the poor, improvement of education system, WHAT? I WANT AN ANSWER!” the man from Delhi, M.N.Lakhwi, a simple worker at a factory, is reported to have said.
Prime Minister, Manmohan Singh, clearly taken aback by this sudden outburst was lost for words, and could merely muster a “Err…”, before quickly reaching for his cell-phone, furiously texting for instructions on his reply from a certain Mrs. Gandhi. It wasn’t until a couple of minutes later, that he received the reply, and Mr. Singh, now with an air of confidence about him, took up the microphone and spoke calmly. “India shall hunt down every single one of the terrorists, who have dared to attack on its sovereign soil. I would like to extend a hand of support towards Pakistan President Zardari, who has been nothing short of cooperative on his part. We will sit together later this month, have some coffee, and discuss on how to keep making statements like these in the press conferences”, quickly realizing that the last line was for him to read-only from Mrs. Gandhi, he spoke “My bad!”
The Prime Minister’s reply flummoxed the entire group of reporters, as one of them shouted over the rising noise in the room, “You answered the wrong question!”
“Hmm, I see. The price of petrol has been hiked keeping in mind the inflation of the global market. Do you have any idea how the price of this suit I’m wearing has gone up? Or, my Adidas sneakers? Or, my Calvin-Klein-”, abruptly pausing gauging the delicacy of the matter, “Let’s just say- our hands are tied, and there simply, is no other solution than to raise the prices.”
M.N.Lakhwi, standing besides Singh on the stage, was twisting with rage, as he spoke with a menacing growl, “Nonsense, I will tell you what you intend to gain by increasing the price! You are robbing the public of their money so that you and your corrupt buddies ministers can go on private vacations, build multi-storeyed buildings for your pets to relax, or for recreation- buy an IPL team. And, I suppose everyone would like to have some dirty-talk with Bipasha Basu for hours, now that Amar Singh has made it public- well someone has to pay for the phone bill - Why not the public itself?”
At this point, Manmohan Singh realized that this verbal spat would affect his public image at large, so he quickly came up with a justification, “I never really had a thing for Bipasha. Well, it would be a whole different ballgame if it were Katrina Kaif. And as far as private vacations are concerned, I have never been on one alone with my wife, since I always ensure Sonia Madame comes along too.”
By now, the PM was vary of giving explanations, as he had realized that even his personal relations were at stake. He quickly asked his guards to throw the man out of the room and the reporters to not publish or telecast the entire event. He continued, “So where were we?”, before pausing in to check on his cell phone again and after a sly smile stroked in some keys. We can only assume he wrote, “LOL, TC, CYA, XOXOXO!” to a certain someone.
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