Friday, 1 July 2011

Is Rahul Gandhi a true youth icon?

This article has not been written by me. I have merely edited it for readability, and am re-posting it. These are not my views either.
Pretenders can never be the pioneers

Rahul Gandhi once said, "I feel ashamed to call myself an Indian after seeing what has happened here in UP". Please don't be ashamed of Uttar Pradesh, not just as yet. Not until you have gone through the facts!

Congress ruled the State for the Majority of the duration Pre Independence to Post Independence from 1939 to 1989 (barring the Periods of Emergency). Thanks to your Grandmother Indira G. and a couple of transitional Governments, eight out of the total fourteen Prime Ministers of India have been from UP, six out of those eight have been from Congress.  Your party had more than half a century and half a Dozen PM's to build a State.  The reason that Mulayam Singh, subsequently came to Power is because your party wasn't exactly ‘Gandhian’ in their dealings in the State. So, maybe if you look at it in totality, the present chaos in UP is the outcome of the glorious leadership (don’t miss the sarcasm) displayed by Congress in UP for about 50 years.  

So, please don't feel ashamed as yet Dear Rahul, for Mayawati is only using the Land Acquisition Bill, which your party had itself used to loot the farmers numerous times in the Past. WHY DIDN'T YOUR PARTY CHANGE THE BILL WHEN IT WAS IN POWER FOR SO LONG?  Not that I endorse what Mayawati is doing, what she is doing is unacceptable, but the past actions of your party and your recent comments, puts a question mark on your intent and consistency. You really want to be ashamed, don’ you?   I will not let you go disappointed, I shall give you ample reasons to feel ashamed. Ask Pranav Mukherjee,w why isn't he giving the details of the account holders in the Swiss Banks. Ask your mother, who is impeding the Investigation against Hasan Ali? Ask her, who got 60% kickback in the 2G Scam?  Kalamdi is accused of a few hundred crores, who pocketed the rest in the Common Wealth Games? Ask Praful Patel, what he did to the Indian Airlines. Why did Air India let go of the ‘Profitable Routes’? Why should the tax-payer pay for the Air India losses, when you intend to eventually divest it anyway? Also, how does one expect the same people who can't run an Airline properly to run the entire nation? Ask Manmohan Singh, Why/What kept him quiet for so long. Are Kalmadi and A Raja mere scapegoats to save bigger names just as Harshad Mehta was in the 1992 Stock Market Scandal? Who let the Bhopal Gas Tragedy accused go Scot Free? (20,000 People died in that Tragedy)   Who ordered the State Sponsored Massacre of Sikhs in 84? Please read more about, How Indira Gandhi pushed the Nation under Emergency in 76-77, after the HC declared her election to Lok Sabha void!   (I bet she had utmost respect for Democracy and Judiciary and Free Press)

I guess you know the answers to all these questions already. So, my question is, why the double standards in judging Mayawati and members of your family and party. I condemn Mayawati, but is she the only one who has brought you shame? What about the ones close to you, for their contribution to the nation's misery is beyond comparison?  You talk about the land being taken away from the Farmers. How many suicides have happened under your party’s rule in Vidarbha? Does that not ‘ashame’ you? Your party gave those farmers a 72,000 crore loan waiver (which didn't even reach the farmers by the way). So, why don't you focus on implementing the policies which your government has undertaken, instead of earning brownie points by trying to manufacture consent by bombarding us with pictures of having food with poor villagers?  Do you still want to feel ashamed? You can feel ashamed for your party taking credit for debiting the public money (72,000 crores) from the government coffers and literally wasting it.

Why only highlight this arrest? Dear Rahul, to refresh your memory, you were arrested/detained by the FBI at the Boston airport in September 2001. You were carrying with you $ 1,60,000 in cash. You couldn't explain why you were carrying so much cash. Incidentally Mr. Gandhi was with his Columbian girlfriend Veronique Cartelli, allegedly the daughter of a drug mafia. For 9 hours, he was detained at the airport, and later on freed at the intervention of the then prime minister Mr. Vajpayee. FBI filed an equivalent of an fir in US and released him. When FBI was asked to divulge the information, by right/freedom to information activists about the reasons Rahul was arrested, they asked for a no objection certificate from Rahul Gandhi. So, Subramaniyam Swami wrote a letter to Mr. Gandhi, “If you have nothing to hide, give us the permission" , he never replied! Why did that arrest not make headlines, Rahul? You could have gone to the media and told, "I am ashamed to call myself an Indian". Or is it that, you only like to highlight symbolic arrests (like in UP) and not actual arrests (in Boston)? Kindly clarify.

In any case, you want to feel ashamed, please read along. Your mother's so called sacrifice of giving up the prime minister post in 2004.   According to a provision in the citizenship act, a foreign national who becomes a citizen of india, is bounded by the same restrictions, which an Indian would face, if he/she were to become a citizen of Italy (condition based on principle of reciprocity). [Read: Annexure- 1&2]  Now since you cannot become a PM in Italy, unless you are born there, likewise an Italian citizen cannot become Indian PM, unless he/she is not born here! Dr. Subramaniyam Swami, the man who exposed the 2G scam, sent a letter to the President of India bringing the same to his notice. [Read: letter to the president in annexure-3]. The President of India sent a letter to Sonia Gandhi to this effect, 3:30 pm, May 17th, 2004. Swearing ceremony was scheduled for 5 pm the same day.   Manmohan Singh was brought in the picture at the last moment to save face! Rest of the sacrifice drama which she choreographed was merely an eye wash. In fact, Sonia Gandhi had sent 340 letters, each signed by different MPs to President Kalam, supporting her candidacy for PM. One of those letters read, “I, Sonia Gandhi, elected member from Rai Bareli, hereby propose Sonia Gandhi as Prime Minister”. So, in my opinion, she was pretty interested, until she came to know the facts! So, she didn't make any sacrifice, it just so happens that Sonia Gandhi couldn't have become the PM of India at that time. You could be ashamed about that dear Rahul- one credential Sonia G. had, even that was a hoax!

Think about yourself. You go to Harvard on donation quota (Hindujas gave Harvard 11 million dollars the same year, when Rajiv Gandhi was in power), then you are expelled in 3 months/ you dropped out in 3 months (sadly Manmohan Singh wasn't the dean of Harvard back then, else you might have had a chance. Too bad, there is only one Manmohan Singh!). Some accounts say, you had to drop out because of Rajiv Gandhi's assassination. Maybe, but then why did you go about lying about being Masters in Economics from Harvard, before finally taking it off your resume upon questioning by Dr. Subramaniyam Swami (the gentleman who exposed the 2G scam). At St. Stephens, you fail the Hindi exam. Hindi exam!  And, you are representing the biggest Hindi speaking state of the country?  

Sonia Gandhi's educational qualifications-  Sonia G. gave a sworn affidavit as a candidate that she studied English at University of Cambridge [See Annexure-6, 7_37a]. According to Cambridge University, there is no such student ever! [See Annexure -7_39]. Upon a case by Dr. Subramaniyam filed against her, she subsequently dropped the Cambridge credential from her affidavit. Sonia Gandhi didn't even pass high school, she is just 5th class pass! In this sense, she shares a common educational background with her 2G partner in crime, Karunanidhi. You fake your educational degree, your mother fakes her educational degree. And, then you go out saying, “We want educated youth into politics!" Letters sent by dr. Swami to EC and then speaker of Lok Sabha are in Annexure 7_36 & 7_35 respectively.

 Contrast that with Mahatma Gandhi, who went to South Africa, became a barrister, on merit, left all that to work for South Africa, and then for the country. Why lie about educational credentials? Not that education is a prerequisite for being a great leader, but then you should not have lied about your qualifications! You could feel a little ashamed about lying about your educational qualifications. You had your reasons I know, because in India, we respect education. But, who cares about education, when you are a youth icon! Youth icon, you traveled in the local train for the first time at the age of 38. You went to some villages as a part of election campaign. And, you won a youth icon tag. That is why you are my youth icon, for 25 million people travel by train every day, and yet you are the only person to win a youth icon tag for doing so. Thousands of postmen go to remotest of villages, none of them have yet gotten a youth icon. You were neither young nor iconic! Still you became a youth icon beating iconic and younger contenders like Rahul Dravid.

Shakespeare said, what is in a name? Little did he knew, it is all in the name, especially the surname! Speaking of surname, sir do you really respect Gandhi, or is it just to cash in on the goodwill of mahatma? Because, the name on your passport is Raul Vinci, and not Rahul Gandhi. May be if you wrote your surname as Gandhi, you would have experienced, what Gandhi feels like, literally (pun intended). You people don't seem to use Gandhi much, except when you are fighting elections (there it makes complete sense).  Imagine fighting elections by the name Raul Vinci. It feels sadly ironic, Gandhi ji, who inspired icons like Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King Jr. and John Lennon, across the world, couldn't inspire members of his party/Nehru's family, who only seem to use his surname for the purposes of fighting elections and conveniently use a different name on their passport. You use the name Gandhi at will and then say, "मुझे ये युवराज शब्द insulting लगता है! क्यूंकि आज हिंदुस्तान में Democracy है, और इस शब्द का कोई मतलब नहीं है|” युवराज अगर इतना ही insulting लगता है तो लड़ लो Raul Vinci के नाम से| जिन किसानो के साथ फोटो खिंचवाते हो, वो भी नहीं घुसने देंगे घर में. You could feel ashamed for your double standards. You want youth to join politics, I say first you join politics. Because you haven't joined politics, you have joined a family business.  First, you join politics, win an election fighting as Raul Vinci and not Rahul Gandhi, then come and ask the youth and the educated brass for more involvement in politics.  Also till then, please don't give me examples of Sachin Pilot and Milind Deora and Naveen Jindal as youth who have joined politics. They are not politicians, they just happen to be politicians.   Much like Abhishek Bachchan and other star-sons are not actors, they just happen to be actors (for obvious reasons).  So, we would appreciate if you stop requesting the youth to join politics till you establish your credentials.

Why we can't join politics? Rahul baba, please understand, your father had a lot of money in your family account (in Swiss bank) when he died. Ordinary youth has to work for a living. Your family just needs to network for a living. If our father had left thousands of crores with us, we might have considered doing the same. But we have to work, not just for ourselves but also for you. So that, we can pay 30% of our income to the government, which can then be channelized to the Swiss banks and your personal accounts under some pseudo names. So Rahul, please don't mind if the youth doesn't join politics. We are doing our best to fund your election campaigns and your chopper trips to the villages. Somebody has to earn the money that politicians feed on.

Air India, KG gas division, 2G, CWG, Swiss bank account details, Hasan Ali, KGB, FBI arrest! You want to feel ashamed? Feel ashamed for what the first family of politics has been reduced to- A money laundering enterprise.  No wonder you are not Gandhi's by blood. Gandhi is an adopted name, for Indira didn't marry Mahatma Gandhi's son. Even if you had one gene of Gandhi Ji in your DNA, you wouldn't have been plagued by such 'poverty of ambition' (ambition of only earning money). You really want to feel ashamed. Feel ashamed for what you 'so called Gandhi's' have done to Mahatma's legacy. I so wish Gandhi Ji had copyrighted his name! Meanwhile, I would request Sonia Gandhi to change her name to $onia Gandhi, and you could replace the 'R' in Rahul/Raul by the new rupee symbol! Raul Vinci- “I am ashamed to call myself an Indian”.   Even we are ashamed to call you so!

P.S: Popular media is either bought or blackmailed, controlled to manufacture consent! My guess is that social media is still a democratic platform. (Now, they are trying to put legislations to censor that too!)   Meanwhile, let us ask these questions, for we deserve some answers.   For we are all Gandhi's. For Bapu is the father of the nation! To know more, try looking for Dr. Subramaniyam Swami. He is the reason today 2G scam is being investigated!

Friday, 17 June 2011

People You Just Love To Hate

1. Mr. Know-it-AllYes, you may have an opinion about everything. But, can you please bore someone else with all your ridiculous ideas?

2. Miss We-Broke-Up-Again/ We-Got-Back-TogetherIt must be tough for you, after all it’s not like this is your first time or anything.

3. Mrs. Pain-In-The-AssYou must thank your husband, he is a brave man. How he has tolerated you for over (geez, I don’t know) hundred (?) years, I will never understand.

4. Mr. Eternal-DepressionGet away from me, Shoo! Go feed your cat or something. You will depress me to death if you stay around for too long.

5. Mr. Dumb-As-A-Duck And, I thought I was slow. Phew!

6. Mr. Pain-In-The-AssWhat? You have a girl friend? Wait, does she know it yet?

7. Miss Right-On-TimeYes, I said five. But, it’s only six-thirty right now. You know the traffic and all, don’t you?

8.  Mr. Smug-SmileWhat are you smiling at, you schmuck?

9.  Mr. High-All-The-TimeYeah, yeah. Let’s go all the way up the tower just to see how high it is (chuckle)!

10. Mr. Lets-Have-A-FightDude, I only had a bite of your sandwich! Chill man, don’t you have a bone to pick with that geek who took your brain in return for his muscles?

PS: You may not like the write-up in case you are one of the above mentioned types!

Wednesday, 18 May 2011

Sometimes, they really have nothing else to do!

Sunday, 15 May 2011

Man confronts PM at a Press Conference

Singh in happier times

And amidst announcements of the hike in petrol prices by 5 Rs, NTMN brings to you credible information about the events at Prime Minister Manmohan Singh’s press conference yesterday. Our source at the conference revealed that an unknown man, who was visibly agitated, broke through the security barrier of the conference, joined Mr. Singh on the stage, and started ridiculing him face-to-face about price rise.

“What exactly do you intend to gain by increasing the price of petrol? Do you want to wage the non-existing war against Pakistan to expose India’s fifty most wanted men hiding there? Or, do you propose to strengthen the borders and the security of the nation? Or, simply the development of the entire country, the upliftment of the poor, improvement of education system, WHAT? I WANT AN ANSWER!” the man from Delhi, M.N.Lakhwi, a simple worker at a factory, is reported to have said.

Prime Minister, Manmohan Singh, clearly taken aback by this sudden outburst was lost for words, and could merely muster a “Err…”, before quickly reaching for his cell-phone, furiously texting for instructions on his reply from a certain Mrs. Gandhi. It wasn’t until a couple of minutes later, that he received the reply, and Mr. Singh, now with an air of confidence about him, took up the microphone and spoke calmly. “India shall hunt down every single one of the terrorists, who have dared to attack on its sovereign soil. I would like to extend a hand of support towards Pakistan President Zardari, who has been nothing short of cooperative on his part. We will sit together later this month, have some coffee, and discuss on how to keep making statements like these in the press conferences”, quickly realizing that the last line was for him to read-only  from Mrs. Gandhi, he spoke “My bad!”

The Prime Minister’s reply flummoxed the entire group of reporters, as one of them shouted over the rising noise in the room, “You answered the wrong question!”

“Hmm, I see. The price of petrol has been hiked keeping in mind the inflation of the global market. Do you have any idea how the price of this suit I’m wearing has gone up? Or, my Adidas sneakers? Or, my Calvin-Klein-”, abruptly pausing gauging the delicacy of the matter, “Let’s just say- our hands are tied, and there simply, is no other solution than to raise the prices.”

M.N.Lakhwi, standing besides Singh on the stage, was twisting with rage, as he spoke with a menacing growl, “Nonsense, I will tell you what you intend to gain by increasing the price! You are robbing the public of their money so that you and your corrupt buddies ministers can go on private vacations, build multi-storeyed buildings for your pets to relax, or for recreation- buy an IPL team. And, I suppose everyone would like to have some dirty-talk with Bipasha Basu for hours, now that Amar Singh has made it public- well someone has to pay for the phone bill - Why not the public itself?”

At this point, Manmohan Singh realized that this verbal spat would affect his public image at large, so he quickly came up with a justification, “I never really had a thing for Bipasha. Well, it would be a whole different ballgame if it were Katrina Kaif. And as far as private vacations are concerned, I have never been on one alone with my wife, since I always ensure Sonia Madame comes along too.” 

By now, the PM was vary of giving explanations, as he had realized that even his personal relations were at stake. He quickly asked his guards to throw the man out of the room and the reporters to not publish or telecast the entire event. He continued, “So where were we?”, before pausing in to check on his cell phone again and after a sly smile stroked in some keys. We can only assume he wrote, “LOL, TC, CYA, XOXOXO!” to a certain someone.

Tuesday, 10 May 2011

Take a Bow, Sourav Ganguly

Throughout my life, many people have asked me- Why Sourav Ganguly? Why not the great Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar? Why not the charismatic Mahendra Singh Dhoni? Or the swashbuckling Virender Sehwag? And, I have maintained my answer all along- Because, no one can silence the critics like he can. 

Every single time you would think of him as down and out, he would get back up, refusing to read the writing on the wall, refusing to take that final nail in the coffin, and would prove over and over again that it ain’t over, until he says its over. 

It so happened today, that I was watching him face Deccan pacer Dan Christian, when a friend of mine seated nearby says “Ganguly looks so scared when facing these fast bowlers”. The next ball, he charged down the pitch and swatted the ball through extra-covers for four, and with a smug smile, I thought, “He always proves them wrong! And how!”

I simply do not know of a player/celebrity/person who can polarize the opinions of people like Sourav “Dada” Ganguly can. If he has a million fans, he would certainly have two million critics, and that is where the beauty of this whole comeback thing lies. Just the other day, Navjot Singh Sidhu (lol) said about him, "A ship looks great when it's at the anchor but it's not meant for has to sail", and frankly I don’t even know what he was implying here. But, if he meant that Ganguly is out of place in the IPL, which I think he did, Ganguly has already made him look like a fool (Not that he doesn’t look like one already). 32 runs out of 32 balls is no big deal, but for a cricketer who hasn’t had a bat in his hand for five months, to come out and make a statement like he did (and come down the track and smash a spinner for a six like only he can) just typifies the obvious, “YOU CAN NEVER COUNT THIS MAN OUT!”

Above all, to have the courage, the grit to fight against politics, against the system and hold your own in a country as corrupt as India gives me and the other millions of fans the hope and the motivation that “Maybe one man can make a difference after all.”

On behalf of every single person who has been an ardent follower of your Infi-Godly drives through the offside and the massive towering sixes over the years, “I SALUTE YOU DADA!”

Sunday, 8 May 2011

UNRAVELED: How Osama really died!

Finally, the jury is out. Osama Bin Laden is dead once and for all. Or is he? While there may be controversies surrounding the manner of his death and reports indicating that he was planning another attack on the US come this 9/11, an insider from CIA- which carried out the covert operation to hunt Bin Laden- has quite different ideas. In an exclusive interview, he revealed it all.

When quipped whether Bin Laden was indeed planning other attacks on USA or other countries, the source divulged, “Ah, not at all. Osama during the last few years had become fed up with the raids, the explosions, the attacks, everything. For hours, he would relax in the swimming pool with his wives, girlfriends, while his kids and grandsons would play softball in the lawn. Pakistan president Asif Ali Zardari would often join in to share lemonades and subtle jokes alongside General Parvez Musharraf.”

To verify his claims, he provided us with a recording of the shootout at Osama’s hideout in Pakistan. Here are the excerpts:

US Soldier 1: “Put your hands where I can see them.”
Osama: “Dude! Can’t you see I’m busy down here in the swimming pool. But, if you insist, feel free to join in alongside the ladies.”
US Soldier 1: “If you do not raise your arms, I will personally shoot you in the head.”
Osama: “Okay, okay. Easy man! I will come out. Why are you guys always so serious? I have a bar down in the mansion, let’s hang out, have a couple of drinks and work this thing out.”
US Soldier 1: “You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will-“
Osama: “- be used against you in the court of law. Blah, blah, blah. Wow, you people watch way too many movies. Give me a break!”
US Soldier 2: “Sir, please allow me to shoot this piece of crap.”
US Soldier 3: “His offer is worth a try. There is no harm in having a few drinks and listening what he has to say.”
Osama: “See, that’s what I’m talking about. Way to go, man. By the way, you look kind-of-cute. You and me, what say?”
US Soldier 1: “You are disgusting. Somebody, shoot this guy.”
Osama: “What? That’s no reason to shoot me. Come on, you are being unreasonable here. Get me President Obama on your cell phone”
Obama: “Yes we can, yes we can!”
Osama: “Hey dude, What’s up? Say hello to Michele for me, will you!”
Obama: “Yes we can, yes we can!”
Osama: “This is irritating. How do Americans put up with you?”
Obama: “Yes we can, yes we can!”

At this point, out of sheer frustration Bin Laden grabs a gun from nearby soldier, puts it on his own forehead and says, “Tell them I died a happy man” and pulls the trigger.

In related news, Pakistan president Asif Ali Zardari has come out to bash the released footage, claiming doctoring of the video, “Osama Bin Laden is not dead. Just the other day, I received a missed call from his number. He also texted me later, “How about dinner tonight?” And of course, the biggest proof that he is still alive is his Facebook status update, “Alive and still kicking some American ass, guys! YO!” Don’t worry I will have my picture clicked alongside him today and show it to you people tomorrow. IN YOUR FACE, HUH!”

*This is a work of fiction and should not be misinterpreted for anything factual related to the topic.*

Wednesday, 4 May 2011

SRK reveals secret behind Ganguly's return to IPL

In what will have come as a rude shock to Shakrukh Khan and his Kolkata Knight Riders team, Pune Warriors India have signed on former India Captain Sourav Ganguly for the rest of the season in IPL 4. There has been speculation about the reasons behind Ganguly’s signing and we have reason to believe it was SRK himself, who from behind the scenes orchestrated the entire operation.

After being hounded by our reporters for hours, a visibly distraught SRK blurted it all out before catching his flight to Mumbai, “Yes, it was I who instigated this move.” When he was asked, what was the reason behind it, he explained, “See, ever since the beginning, the Knight Riders have been threatened by the Pune Warriors team, with their pool of talented youngsters such as Murali Kartik and technically sound batsmen like Robin Uthappa. It was then that I realized, that the one common thing in all our last three disastrous IPL campaigns was the presence of Ganguly in our team. Naturally, since we felt so vulnerable with the quality that Pune team boasts and we wanted them to lose their upcoming matches, I pulled in a couple of favors, a few phone calls, and bam- there he was, on the team.”

When he was reminded that Pune Warriors are already languishing at the bottom of the table, with a sly smile, he replied, “You already see the intricacy of my master-plan, don’t you? The “Dada” effect has been showing on the Warriors, even before he actually signed!” With a sinister grin and a laughter reminiscent of the old Mahabharata days, he ran away from the reporters when wife Gauri Khan showed up with a broom and a wand in her hand, too inspired by the Deathly Hallows 2 trailer we presume.

To verify King Khan’s claims, we decided to check with Sourav himself and he returned the favor in kind, “Well, Shahrukh Khan is my idol. All these years when I have been on the team, without scoring runs, without doing anything really, other than being called (with a chuckle) ‘India’s most successful captain’, I have actually been trying to emulate Mr.Khan himself. He has been a real inspiration for me with his series of flops over the years, the way he shows up at events uninvited, the way he presents to the world a face completely different from his own and above all, how he always keeps saying ‘I’m a sportsman at heart’. “

Finally, an insider at the Pune Warriors team, who did not wish to be named, gave us the scoop “We are already at the bottom of the table. How further can we go down? We have signed on Ganguly to get some media coverage and attract a fan base. As soon as we have that, we will show him the boot, just like SRK. Also, we will be able to verify the claims that with Ganguly in your team, you can never reach the semifinals. Since we are already out of the semifinals, we wanted to give him a chance to preserve his hundred percent record.”

In other exciting news, Osama Bin Laden continues to haunt his wives from beyond the dead. A video has been released, in which an angry Osama yells at his wives, telling them not to remarry, but only have casual relationships. He also goes on to say one-night stands are okay, but he would prefer if they used an Osama-impostor!